quakes and what nots.

le falto =(
i reallyyy do. so much that i'd give anything just to see you again. hear your voice again. just to hug you again. watasi honto daiski no anata wa. you dont know that do you? that's because you're too busy with your own fancy life and that person to even notice that i'm alive. and that's what's totally tearing me up inside. when i called yesterday, hearing your voice was just so immecable, i wish it lasted. you never ever do ask me out; (it has always been the, indirect thru friends or when we both want something) when i'm the one who has been there for you, thru your break ups, your whatever stress, deaths(okay more like together considering tania). and many more. whereas you'd rather ask someone who've you known just a few weeks out. i'm appalled. very.
haha.. just what exactly am i to you?
xmas sucked(in a way...). when i spent the whole morning crying cuz i fought with someone, i wish you'd have called me to tell me you did not mean what you said. what happened to everything? honestly i want everything back to what it was. the notes, our crazy stuff.. What's wrong with being friends? you don't have to avoid me like that. One of the reasons why i went to the party after you left was because i knew you'd flee at the sight of me. I wish, to just see you again. If you don't ever want to see me again, just tell me and i'll take it like i always do. otherwise i wouldn't.

I never told anyone. Because i had always thought i could take it on on my own, what's there to say? I wish, someone who can read me like a book, would just come up to me and tell me 'i'm not on my own and that he/she wants to know about stuff like that, and that he/she would tell me stuff like that too' i, sincerely thank god for my talent of an actress; allowing me to show whatever i want to.

i am so fucking stupid, should've seen this coming. i'm not your booty call. yet i have a gut feeling that you do treat me as a bff. god i've never been so confused(don't get me wrong). why didnt i see this coming?